I know nothing

This little piece is dedicated to everyone who is relatively new in recovery. Now, I think this is something that can be defined in a number of different ways: In twelve step recovery, which I am a proud member of

(although I will not announce publicly which one I am affiliated with) it is often announced in meetings, “Are there any newcomers with 29 days or less of sobriety who would care to introduce themselves?” I can recall how badly, as I slobbered and shook through my first 30 days, how much I wanted one of those little coins that said “30 days of sobriety” on it, and then I was no longer a newcomer! Or, so I thought.

All that really meant was that I no longer had to stand up. I was a newcomer for not only my first 30, 60, and 90 days. I was a newcomer at 6 months, 9 months, one year and beyond. The only thing that has changed is that I have certainly grown a lot and changed. But the process of my own recovery continues to evolve, and that’s the beauty of it so long as I keep an open mind. As we grow in recovery we see in the newcomer the insanity that we too possessed, and yes, we all have fucking insane ideas and behavior. Whoever may be reading this, if you’re in recovery and you disagree, I’m certain you don’t qualify for the program of recovery! We are all crazy when we are brand new, and yes, some are sicker than others, and I know I was off the rails with my sickness, my thought process, and the truth is: my brain was broken.

My sponsor told me this, “You’re so sick you will be a newcomer for your first 20 years so you had better stick around here.” We laugh about that to this day, and I love him for saying it, because he didn’t say it in a shitty way, it was his way of saying, “You really need to follow what we do around here and keep that open mind, because it might just save your life.”

One of the most dangerous things for all of us, and it’s proven time and time again is “our own ideas.” I look at recovery/sobriety as boot camp for the mind, body, and spirit: most importantly the mind. Don’t get me started on all these young dudes who think 24 Hour Fitness is going to save their life, show the world on Instagram how good they look and brag they are sober, and fail to work on their insides. These guys come and go like a bad sale at the mall. Don’t get me wrong, getting physical is a huge part of recovery, and I make it a part of my own. However, make no mistake, going to the fucking gym and trying to become the supermodel for Cross Fit USA isn’t going to save my life. Going to meetings, helping others, and working the steps diligently with someone who knows what they are doing, and has quality sobriety, is going to set the stage for me to build my own foundation for my recovery, and it will for you too!

Another great idea I see all the time is, “I’ve got to score the JOB.” Yeah, because it’s that paycheck that might just keep you clean and sober. We all need to support ourselves, unless of course mom and dad are paving the way, and I see way too much of that (note to the enabling mom and dad: if your son or daughter is capable of working it’s time for them to start fucking working. You’re not helping them, you’re hurting them in the long run. Working helps to build their self esteem, your enabling only fuels their issues of entitlement. Don’t believe me? Just keep on fueling this beast, and see the type of growth in your loved one…which won’t be very much. If you’re coming here for sugar coating, you’ve got the wrong blog). Okay, back to the “big job”, so Billy gets his rocking job and now he’s working his ass off and his meetings go down from 7-10 a week (which was keeping him sober, happy and safe), down to 1-2 a week and Billy is now fucking insane, back to hanging out with his boy “Justin” who still whiffs cocaine on weekends and sips tequila for fun…three weeks of hanging out with Justin after work, and next thing you know, Billy just has to join Justin for some cocaine and tequila….the fuse is lit, and we don’t see Billy at meetings…and maybe, never again.

Last, but not least, and this is my favorite one….the girl. I always love it when I see a new guy, and he says, “I can’t make it to the meeting because I have plans with my girlfriend.” You know, because the guy is already in love. Make no mistake, 99% of all relationships that people get involved in when new in recovery never work out, why? Because you don’t even know who the fuck you are yet. Oh, and yes, I made this mistake myself when I was about 8 or 9 months sober. But what I didn’t do, is blow off meetings, I never did that, I sure as hell made the mistake of dating, and I paid a major emotional price of which I was ill equipped to handle. The only blessing for me was that I had a strong group of men around me, and I was going to 15 to 18 meetings a week in my first year, sometimes more.

I received no sympathy from any of the men in my group. What I got from them was, “I told you so, and your ideas suck.” I broke it down to, I know nothing, not only did I know nothing about getting sober or staying sober, but I sure as hell didn’t know a thing about life or how to manage it. Emotionally, I was about 12 or 13. And that’s another neat little thing I get to share with you who are reading this who are new in recovery: yes, you are all immature on some level. The good news, we all are. That’s the beauty of it, is that we have all been through the growth phase, and I know I am still growing as I am 10+ years sober. There’s no test that says, “You’ve made it man, you have reached the maximum emotional growth capacity, you’re a total success in life.” I can say this, there’s a great deal of truth, that if you’re working a strong program of recovery that something really does shift inside of you after 5 years. I thought it was absolute bullshit, but I am the slow guy, I think for me it happened after about year 7….so get comfortable with being uncomfortable if you’re new in recovery, and I am just like you for I have been there. And not only do I never want to forget what it was like being new, I also know that you teach me as well, everyone teaches me, whether you have one day of sobriety, or 50 years, all of you are my teachers…..Z

Contact me anytime if you would like to discuss getting help for a loved one:

t: 833-468-7863

e: info@toddzalkins.com

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June 20, 2024

Does a 12 Step Program Work?

I often get asked if twelve step programs really work, the short answer is “yes” they work beautifully if you participate and do the work. I hear from people all the time, things like, “Well I went to some meetings, and it didn’t work for me” or “My husband went to AA and he drank again.” Like you are supposed to wave a wand or take a magic pill and everything is going to be fine.

Without question, there is no debating, twelve step programs have arrested the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction for millions of people. There is no other program out there that even comes close. Therapy, exercise, petting horses are not going to keep you sober. So why do so many people rail against it when it is the most successful way of treating the disease on a daily basis?

I am a big believer in the old saying “to each his own” as it is none of my business how you get sober or how you stay sober, I am glad you are sober no matter what it looks like! However, for those who have any clue what “untreated alcoholism” looks like it is an ugly sight, and even worse if you are the one who is untreated. So, what does untreated alcoholism mean? Some people think if they are physically sober everything is or should be fine.

That is the furthest thing from reality. Being physically sober is wonderful to start, but then you are left with, well, just yourself and all the crazy thinking that comes with it: short fuse, fits of anger, emotional ups and downs and an overall unpredictability. Basically, not a whole lot of calm which twelve step programs seems to help so much with. If you cannot control the amount, you drink and your life is a wreck, you might be an alcoholic. We have this thing called a “we” program, where we work the twelve steps with a sponsor and help others, amazingly it seems to work for a fool like me who thought it could never work. Open mindedness is not a common trait for an alcoholic as he/she is constantly relying on their own self will, with no solution for the disease. I told myself I would give it a year and prove that the program sucked, all the sober people sucked, and I would just go on my merry way and get

loaded again and die. That is what happens to us if we do not arrest the disease, we will eventually die, go insane, or go to prison. Well, almost eighteen years later I am still going to these damn twelve step meetings, I have a freedom I never thought I could have, I have smiled and laughed a lot and cried a bunch too because we all go through hard stuff. Just because we are sober does not mean we are not going to be in the barrel and have to work through stuff. The beautiful thing is that because of this “we” program and sharing with others, most importantly working with others and helping the still suffering alcoholic and addict life just seems to work out.

One of the best lessons I have learned in recovery is: I am not particularly important, I am not all that cool, and I am cool with all of it. I do not have to try and be someone I am not like in the old days, which was so exhausting putting on a bullshit false front and being obsessed with everyone liking me. Footnote: I am not the only recovering person who feels this way, it is quite common to say the least.

We get to find out so much more about who we are and what this life thing is really about. For me, it is more about “giving” than “getting.” That includes being charitable of heart, love, kindness and wallet. In a society where the obsession is materialism and how much dough you have in the bank (all of these things I too chased for years and years, never making me happy at all) I have found that it’s the givers and the helpers who seem to be the wealthiest on the inside.

For anyone out there whose experience was negative in a twelve-step program I am sorry, for real. This is not a “one size fits all” deal, meaning there are meetings that fit just right for everyone, you just need to find it. The last thing, find a group you are attracted to, a room full of people you can hang with, give it one year and work the twelve steps with a sponsor who knows what they are doing, I have a pretty good feeling you might just stick around…I am glad I did.

#wecanrecover #interventionworks #sobriety

I often get asked if twelve step programs really work, the short answer is “yes” they work beautifully if you participate and do the work. I hear from people all the time, things like, “Well I went to some meetings,

Read more

April 24, 2024

I’ve Got This

I have a lot of sober friends on social media, I am also a part of a few groups that help people get into treatment who don’t have quality insurance or the resources to pay for a decent level of care. It has always been a thorn in my side when someone who wants to get help cannot find a place that will take them because of either a lack of money or no insurance. There should be equitable access to
treatment resources for all here in the U.S. and I hope that becomes a reality, it hasn’t happened yet. (more…)

I have a lot of sober friends on social media, I am also a part of a few groups that help people get into treatment who don’t have quality insurance or the resources to pay for a decent level of

Read more

April 24, 2024

Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Being newly sober is weird. I can vividly remember being in a state of discomfort on a constant basis. For several months during the detox period which for me seemed to last forever, that was the source of my discomfort. As time moved along and the pains of getting physically sober minimized, I found other things to get uncomfortable about. (more…)

Being newly sober is weird. I can vividly remember being in a state of discomfort on a constant basis. For several months during the detox period which for me seemed to last forever, that was the source of my discomfort.

Read more

April 24, 2024

Brain on Drugs

In late 2006 I was experiencing loss of speech patterns, tremors, often not having the ability to speak in complete sentences. My primary care physician knew I was sick, and drug addicted, suggesting I go to rehab immediately. He also wanted me to get my brain scanned at a place called the Amen Clinic in Orange County. I went ahead and did it, not having a clue what the point was in getting such a thing done.

(more…)

In late 2006 I was experiencing loss of speech patterns, tremors, often not having the ability to speak in complete sentences. My primary care physician knew I was sick, and drug addicted, suggesting I go to rehab immediately. He also

Read more

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Todd is more than an interventionist, public speaker, and author, he’s a storyteller and motivator, who inspires others as a thought-leader on recovery, to not only realize their potential, but live it.

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