I often get asked if twelve step programs really work, the short answer is “yes” they work beautifully if you participate and do the work. I hear from people all the time, things like, “Well I went to some meetings, and it didn’t work for me” or “My husband went to AA and he drank again.” Like you are supposed to wave a wand or take a magic pill and everything is going to be fine.
Without question, there is no debating, twelve step programs have arrested the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction for millions of people. There is no other program out there that even comes close. Therapy, exercise, petting horses are not going to keep you sober. So why do so many people rail against it when it is the most successful way of treating the disease on a daily basis?
I am a big believer in the old saying “to each his own” as it is none of my business how you get sober or how you stay sober, I am glad you are sober no matter what it looks like! However, for those who have any clue what “untreated alcoholism” looks like it is an ugly sight, and even worse if you are the one who is untreated. So, what does untreated alcoholism mean? Some people think if they are physically sober everything is or should be fine.
That is the furthest thing from reality. Being physically sober is wonderful to start, but then you are left with, well, just yourself and all the crazy thinking that comes with it: short fuse, fits of anger, emotional ups and downs and an overall unpredictability. Basically, not a whole lot of calm which twelve step programs seems to help so much with. If you cannot control the amount, you drink and your life is a wreck, you might be an alcoholic. We have this thing called a “we” program, where we work the twelve steps with a sponsor and help others, amazingly it seems to work for a fool like me who thought it could never work. Open mindedness is not a common trait for an alcoholic as he/she is constantly relying on their own self will, with no solution for the disease. I told myself I would give it a year and prove that the program sucked, all the sober people sucked, and I would just go on my merry way and get
loaded again and die. That is what happens to us if we do not arrest the disease, we will eventually die, go insane, or go to prison. Well, almost eighteen years later I am still going to these damn twelve step meetings, I have a freedom I never thought I could have, I have smiled and laughed a lot and cried a bunch too because we all go through hard stuff. Just because we are sober does not mean we are not going to be in the barrel and have to work through stuff. The beautiful thing is that because of this “we” program and sharing with others, most importantly working with others and helping the still suffering alcoholic and addict life just seems to work out.
One of the best lessons I have learned in recovery is: I am not particularly important, I am not all that cool, and I am cool with all of it. I do not have to try and be someone I am not like in the old days, which was so exhausting putting on a bullshit false front and being obsessed with everyone liking me. Footnote: I am not the only recovering person who feels this way, it is quite common to say the least.
We get to find out so much more about who we are and what this life thing is really about. For me, it is more about “giving” than “getting.” That includes being charitable of heart, love, kindness and wallet. In a society where the obsession is materialism and how much dough you have in the bank (all of these things I too chased for years and years, never making me happy at all) I have found that it’s the givers and the helpers who seem to be the wealthiest on the inside.
For anyone out there whose experience was negative in a twelve-step program I am sorry, for real. This is not a “one size fits all” deal, meaning there are meetings that fit just right for everyone, you just need to find it. The last thing, find a group you are attracted to, a room full of people you can hang with, give it one year and work the twelve steps with a sponsor who knows what they are doing, I have a pretty good feeling you might just stick around…I am glad I did.
#wecanrecover #interventionworks #sobriety
